1)
When encountering a beautiful young lady at the workplace be sure and display your absolute astonishment that the management would hire a female for her role.
Repeat after me:
"A woman no less"
Then allow your eyes rove over her body, feasting on every curve and nuance. Some of you are into fat birds so this might take a while. Take all the time you need. Every second will bring her closer to your bed. Cultivate a charming scandalous smirk the whole time (see photo above) to 'betray' your secret lascivious intentions all the while keeping your hands behind your back and handkerchief erect in breast pocket.
2)
As soon as the young lady shows you what she is doing, be sure and continue to display your absolute astonishment that the management would hire a female for her role. Interrupt her around three words in to lecture her on exactly what she is doing, who invented the machine on which she works, its development through the decades and recent upgrades she'll likely not yet be aware of.
Repeat after me:
"Offset printing ...yes the most common form of high-volume commercial printing, due to advantages in quality and efficiency in high-volume jobs. While modern digital presses (Indigo Digital Press, for example) are getting closer to the cost/benefit of offset for high-quality work, they have not yet been able to compete with the sheer volume of product that an offset press can produce. Furthermore, many modern offset presses are using computer to plate systems as opposed to the older computer to film workflows, which further increases their quality. In the last two decades, flexography has become the dominant form of printing in packaging due to lower quality expectations and the significantly lower costs in comparison to other forms of printing. Yes, I've heard a little of it"
Cultivate a charming scandalous smirk the whole time (see photo above)
3)
It helps to introduce yourself as 'admiral' upon taking her hand in a firm grip. There is no limit to the amount of barbed comments, criticisms and lewd innuendos you need to be using at this point. Belittle her with every breath until your approval becomes a desperate fixation in her mind after only 15 seconds.
Repeat after me:
"Well I am good at what I do. You might say I'm COCK of your hoop. What? Floor 15, well it looks like we'll be going down on one another. All these lists, it seems you're rather fond of anal."
Remember also no matter how sickend by your behaviour she pretends to be, that glint in her eye tells you all you need to know. She was yours the second you sauntered in. By slapping your face she is merely initiating physical contact. Before she can land the blow grab her wrist and force yourself on her stifling her screams with your mouth (see photo above). You'll find she collapses in erotic bliss after mere seconds in your vice-like grip.
Next week:
On long distance flights.
